My experience in the Iranian culture: understanding intergenerational trauma’s impacts from a place of empathy
I grew up as a first-generation Iranian-American in a small, predominantly white community in Kentucky. At the time, I knew nothing about intergenerational trauma and its effects. I just knew that I felt like an outsider. What I experienced at home often clashed with the Western influence that I encountered in the media and around my peers. Although I couldn’t recognize it at the time, this left me overwhelmed with feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, low self-esteem, relationship and attachment difficulties, and intrusive thoughts. It impacted my perspective and self-identity in ways that took years to shift. I was made fun of for my appearance and behavior. I wouldn’t dare speak the Persian language in front of my peers. I felt ashamed of my culture. And I felt angry that I felt shame. Not knowing what to do with such negative feelings, I made myself small, even invisible for most of my childhood. My fear of rejection outweighed my true values, such as embracing the beautiful cultural traditions that I had grown up with.
Fast forward to studying Clinical Psychology in graduate school, I learned about intergenerational trauma. I understood that intergenerational trauma occurs as a result of a distressing past event that shapes a family unit’s psychological and physiological state from generation to generation. It can impact the way we navigate our relationships, our self-identity, our behavior, and our beliefs/values. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), it can also affect our ability to be vulnerable, and increase feelings of helplessness, depression, suicidality, substance abuse, dissociation, hypervigilance, aggression, and stress reactivity.
I learned that in order to break the cycle of shame in my family, I had to gain the courage to embrace my family’s story. Following the Iranian Revolution of 1979, my parents immigrated to the US. The place they once called home had become unfamiliar, and they felt helpless, left with no option but to create a new life in the US. They, too, felt the impact of Western culture, and likely much more significantly than I did given that they had to assimilate to a completely new culture. I soon realized that I needed to replace my guilt, shame, and anger with empathy and compassion.
When we hear the word trauma, we tend to associate that word with negativity, but I believe that learning about our own intergenerational trauma can help us better understand our strengths. Understanding intergenerational trauma might mean having difficult conversations to process traumatic experiences, but having these conversations can empower you to break the cycle and learn to promote a greater sense of compassion for yourself and others. For me, it was embracing unique cultural traditions such as Nowruz and Chaharshanbe Soori. It was recognizing the ways in which my family did what they felt was appropriate to support, protect, and teach me how to navigate a world that was completely unfamiliar to them. It was approaching the impact of intergenerational trauma with empathy. Learning about the effects of intergenerational trauma helped me understand myself and my family members better. It helped me better understand why I have certain perspectives, beliefs, and behaviors. It promoted a sense of healing for myself, my loved ones, and now future generations to come.
Learn more by visiting these popular resources:
Healthline List of Intergenerational Trauma Signs and Symptoms
My experience in the Iranian culture: understanding intergenerational trauma’s impacts from a place of empathy and how it can help with the healing