“Where is this going?”: How to ask and where to start
Having the "where is this relationship going talk" with your partner can be daunting, but it is an essential step in any serious relationship. Someone has to bring it up so it might as well be you. This conversation can help you and your partner clarify your feelings, set expectations, and plan for the future.
You may be feeling guilty or an impending sense of doom because you are rocking the boat a little bit. Here are some tips on how to have this conversation with your partner.
1. Be sure you see a future with this person
Unfortunately, we do not have much control over how our partner will react; however, we can control what you say and how you communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner. It is essential to check in within yourself to ensure you are ready to have this conversation and search for clarity and growth. Before the talk, ask yourself:
Do I see a future with this person?
Do I feel respected and trust that this conversation well with your partner?
What are you hoping to gain from this conversation?
2. Speak from a place of I
This may be difficult for individuals struggling to assert themselves and advocate for their wants and needs. If you find vulnerability challenging, consider confiding in a close friend or therapist to practice what you want to share with your partner. Try telling your partner how much you’ve enjoyed your time together and are ready to start thinking about a future together.
3. Be prepared to compromise
You might not get everything you want but maybe things can start going in the right direction. It is essential to approach these conversations willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you. Remember, relationships are about working together towards shared goals, not just individual goals.
4. Aim for vulnerability
The tea is that if your partner isn’t willing to have this conversation with you now, it’s likely they aren’t ready for something more serious. Avoid making assumptions about what each person will say and emphasize what each person is sharing. Be open and curious about your partner’s experience in the relationship. Thoughtful responses and curiosity allow your partner to communicate freely without fear of judgment (which means you get the real answers not the answers they think you want to hear).
5. Follow up
Ultimately, you may have to revisit this conversation a few more times in this relationship, and that's okay. Every person has a set of needs that may not immediately be met after one relationship check-in. Following up with your partner is essential, especially if the conversation is ambivalent. Refrain from overwhelming you and your partner with an intensive exchange if that differs from your style. Be mindful and patient with one another while you gain clarity; this process is meaningful and dynamic.
Having the “where is this going” talk with your partner can be scary, and it's an essential step to cultivating a serious, meaningful relationship. Remember to be honest, direct, and open-minded, and approach the conversation with a willingness to compromise and work together towards common goals.
Learn more by visiting these resources:
Bustle: 7 Tips when having the talk
Deep Soulful Love: Where is this going conversation
Psychology Today: 5 tips for tough conversations with your partner
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