Why are relationships so hard in your 20s and 30s?

Written By Harper White
Online Therapy California CBT Counselor Counseling Therapist Change Anxiety Goals Self Growth Identity Relationship Conflict Starting Therapy

Navigating the ins and outs of romantic relationships can be tough at any age. In addition, people in their 20’s and 30’s often encounter unique circumstances that make relationships feel daunting and confusing, as though they’re playing a game where the rules keep changing. As a therapist who has spent years working with people in this age range, my clients often tell me that they feel a looming sense of pressure - both internal and external - to find a partner to settle down with as quickly as possible. Between managing dating apps, social media platforms, and hookup culture, others feel completely anxious opening themselves up in a space where so much is uncertain. Some people struggle voicing what they want in relationships for fear of coming across as too “difficult” only to feel disappointed when their partner can’t meet their needs. Others, including those who have been hurt or betrayed in the past, often feel immensely uncomfortable even thinking about being vulnerable with someone new. For these people, the idea of dating conjures up feelings of impending doom, frustration, and fear. 

How can a therapist help support you through these challenges and fears? In therapy, you can deconstruct the messages you’ve received about relationships from the world, whether from friends, family, culture, society and begin to cultivate your own set of values that feel true to you. A therapist will help you understand why you feel or behave the way you do in the context of dating and assist you in breaking patterns that may be sabotaging your relationship satisfaction. Finally, a therapist can help you process painful experiences you’ve faced in past relationships and help you heal those feelings and rebut those unhelpful thoughts. Working through these struggles with someone who is 100% in your corner can allow you to navigate relationships in a way that feels safer, calmer, and more authentic to you. 

Harper White
Previous

I am nervous about starting therapy!
Next

How do I choose the best therapist?