What do our patterns say about us?
How do we create patterns in our lives? In the simplest sense, we only need two behaviors, choices, or events to establish a pattern. But what happens when we consistently use the same behaviors, make the same choices, and then find ourselves in the same situations? This is how we truly establish patterns. Oftentimes, we realize our patterns have become maladaptive and unhelpful; these entrenched patterns become the primary focus of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).
As a therapist, when I notice my clients engaging in a pattern, instead of trying to interpret what that pattern says about them as a person, I try to help them ask themselves the following questions:
How does continuing to folllow this pattern make me feel?
What purpose (intentional or unintentional) is this pattern serving in my life?
If, after deconstructing these patterns and outcomes in CBT, I find myself in the same situations as before, am I actually making the changes in my life or just talking about it?
While all change is difficult, changing a pattern can feel even more challenging. This is because changing a pattern takes a lot of work:
It starts with accountability: refocusing your energy on how you handle these situations instead of focusing on people and circumstances outside of your control.
Once you’ve established your own role in these circumstances and situations, the best way to maintain this new way of thinking and being is by being consistent, namely: making sure that you establish a new pattern and sticking to it even when it is hard.
The final phase of creating a new pattern is self-reflection. For many, this looks like regularly checking in with yourself and your therapist to ensure that the new patterns you’ve created are actually making a meaningful impact in your day-to-day life, and getting you closer to the goals you set out before you started.