Why do I feel so anxious in my new relationship?
Clients often tell me that they feel as though they are “not good enough” for their new partner and they feel a need to put on a facade to keep their partner interested. Many feel that if they can present themselves in a manner that perfectly aligns with what their partner is looking for, they can keep their partner happy and prevent against future loss of the relationship.
Although keeping the relationship status quo may sound like a good idea, not showing up in relationships authentically often escalates levels of anxiety with major consequences. First, being inauthentic for extended periods of time can be exhausting. Maintaining a facade of who you really are can spike levels of anxiety because we are so afraid of accidentally “slipping up” by letting our true selves come out. Additionally, focusing intently on what you think your partner wants and needs often has a cost of neglecting your own needs. If you spend the majority of your time wondering what your partner thinks of you, you are likely forgetting to ask yourself how you feel about the relationship and if your partner is able to meet your needs.
By putting on a mask, you aren’t giving your partner the opportunity to get to know the real you. If your partner has developed strong feelings for the person you have presented yourself to be, you will constantly feel anxious wondering if they even know you or like you for who you actually are.
If you find that you often feel anxious in new relationships, starting therapy can help. Your therapist can help you understand why you feel like you can’t show up authentically in relationships. You can learn to connect with your truest self and start showing up authentically around others. This new confidence can help decrease levels of anxiety and ultimately allow you to develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships with others.