Discovering your Identity in Therapy
You blow out your candles to celebrate another birthday. On your right, your grandma is reminding you that you have one less year to get married and on your right your best friend cannot stop talking about her ex. Many people are here celebrating you and yet it’s starting to feel like no one really knows you anymore. When you look at yourself in the mirror you no longer recognize the person staring back at you.
Why do you feel so out of place?
You’ve been taught to wear masks for most of your life to fit into other peoples’ expectations of you. Your identity has been molded by families, gender norms, traditions and religion. They told us: conform and respect, work hard (even if you hate your job), put your others’ needs before your own, get married and have kids and do not forget to take care of your aging parents and much more. You’ve learned that you are not an individual person, you are an extension of an entire system, and you have to do your part to keep it together.
But what happens when you cannot seem to fit into your family’s, culture’s or society’s role? What if you never did? I’ll let you in on a secret; you are allowed to become your own person. Yes, it will be hard and you will likely feel some guilt and grief. Creating an authentic identity is part of healing and is a combination of bold bravery and sobering truth.
In honoring the deepest, most authentic parts of you, you will come to meet many versions of yourself throughout your lifetime. Creating a foundation of values, morals, traditions and self-understanding will allow the process to feel manageable and eventually invigorating.
As you start on your journey, you may feel overwhelmed or scared, and unsure of what to do next. In therapy, you will have a safe place to explore and get to know every part of yourself. You will discover the parts of you that you want to keep and strengthen and parts you are ready to let go. Eventually, you create a balance of all your parts that can propel you into designing a life you know you will enjoy waking up to.
